Wednesday, March 10, 2010

decay is life's worst enemy

Spring is supposed to be a time of renewal, but decay is being brought to someone I love. My mom has a degenerating disease called Multiple Sclerosis. She's been living with it for ten years. The severity of it comes and goes, but whenever it returns, what it will take with it is unknowable. It ruins the brain and spinal cord by depositing bits of plaque, essentially killing the tissue. It has claimed the sight in her right eye. It is truly an unforgivable disease. And now it is back avengeance.

Over the last few weeks my mom was suffering from what she thought was a pinched nerve in her neck. It's turned out to be her M.S. She has gained back most of her range of motion, but still has trouble swallowing food and is constantly tired. I have done my best not to worry too much because we didn't know what the problem was. An MRI on Monday revealed that the plaque has spread. I feel so angry and so helpless. My dad refuses to talk about it. There is nothing I can do for my mom. If I could, I would donate new brain tissue if that would make her better. I would give back the life she gave me. But even that would not help.

Large tears are streaming out of my eyes as I type right now. I've smeared the ink in my journal. Crying will not help either, but I know that. I cry because my hope, like my mom, is decaying. There is no cure. This hope is all I have. What am I going to do when it's gone?


2 comments:

bananas. said...

oh V, i'm so sorry....MS is such a sad disease and i hate that so many people get it.

i know it's hard but try to stay hopeful. if not for you then for your mother.

hugs. xoxo.

koralee said...

Oh my I feel so so bad...I hate that disease! Sending you some love and prayer. xoxo