Monday, November 30, 2009

Was it worth the risk?

In the aftermath of my latest break up, I find myself dwelling on what exactly happened. A) It unfolded so quickly and B) I still don't get why it really happened. Both points are seriously getting under my skin, and it's not because I have to know everything or feel in control. But I feel that a seriously big risk was taken in deciding to embark on a relationship with a close friend. Not only did I lose a romantic relationship, but I also lost what may have been one of the best friendship to ever be a part of my life. The second is what really breaks my heart to bits.

I am well aware that we take many risks in life. Sometimes we are unaware of them. Other times we know exactly what we are getting into. Either way, they still exist. If nothing else, the lesson I think I am taking away from all this is to never underestimate what appears harmless - this is what causes us the most hurt.

Knowing that this has left me empty handed, I am somehow less inclined to take risks with my heart when that someone means so much to me. I desperately want things to go back to pre-relationship, but I know that being more than friends meant something to me. So it isn't easy to just whip out the last little while. Things have happened, and for better or worse, they've cultivated change. I hear my mom saying that everything happens for a reason. What she actually told me is that it is

Maybe this is meant to challenge me. Or maybe teach me a lesson (ie don't mess with sumthin' great)

So how do you make sense of change?

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