Saturday, October 17, 2009

What's the problem with being a prude?

According to me, nothing. I happen to embrace my demeanor, even if it does make me act about ten years older than I really am. It's who I am, and I see nothing wrong with it. I was raised in a fairly conservative family, and even though they are very open about sex, and yet I some how seemed to missed out on their openness and sense of humor. And suddenly I am finding that my prudishness is holding me back from living my life. I need to figure out how to put a damper on it.

I'm sure my boyfriend would say that it's a product of my North American environment. Perhaps. Thinking about the boys I've dated from this continent, they haven't necessarily been prim and proper, but they weren't ones to openly discuss sex. Given that my communication skills are generally lacking, I am suddenly encountering a complete ineptitude of being comfortable. I think that I can point to a couple things that have caused this problem.

1) General insecurities. I'm still working on my confidence, though I'm skeptical that I will ever be total comfortable in my own skin. I think this translates of over to being nervous when I'm intimate with someone.
2) Past experiences. My sexual past is pretty limited, and I'd venture to say that none of them have been great yet, though I'm optimistic they will get better. That's besides the point though. What I mean to be getting at is that in the past, the boys I've been with have been fairly self-absorbed about the experience.
3) My general belief that sex should be, on some level, meaningful - and for whatever reason that translates for me into something 'serious.' If I know how to shake this complex from my mind, believe me I would.
4) Trust. People claim to have trust issues, but they would be hard pressed to rival mine. It takes me forever to make up my mind about whether or not I can trust someone. And also, I feel very strongly about trust being a staple in any relationship. So as you can see, it has an amplified affect on me.

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