Yesterday was one of those days that I just want to forget. It was long day of work and class, and by the time I got home around 10 pm I felt emotionally and physically drained. I feel that so often my way of dealing with complicated, big things in my life is to internalize them. I've never been one to like to burden others with what I'm dealing with. Despite my efforts to bottle things up, they only seem to come shining through. The boy knew something was wrong, and although I trust him, I couldn't seem to bring myself to confide in him. And after he left me at home, I felt even worse. Karoline and I had a good chat and was able to finally let go of everything I was holding on too. It involved a few tears, but I knew those were overdue from the weekend.
I felt really awful about not talking to the boy. I knew that I would regret it, but at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. So today, I decide to let it go and be honest. I feel surprisingly better today. (Shocking, I know.) Perhaps this was a good thing for me, realizing that I can be open and communicate, and feel safe about it.
Luckily today has been much better. I got lots of work done and then went for a swim this afternoon. I have recollected my scattered mind. And now, I'm settling in for the evening.