Friday, September 04, 2009

A delimma of self-reliance

Self-reliance, or self-sufficiency, is a funny thing. I think that it is mostly associated with gaining a sense of fulfillment or pride from accomplishing something. I definitely agree that that is true. Having two jobs and managing to study for LSAT hasn't been easy, but I am extremely proud of myself for managing it as well as I have so far. I also know that the long term goals I have for myself are things that I have to achieve on my own terms. They wouldn't be as important if they were a group effort. Of course you can receive help, but ultimately you have to be the one calling the shots. What I am curious about is how meaningful it can be if you're by yourself through it all? (Yes, I'm well aware of how emo that sounds)

I'm sure that many people find it empowering to live on their own terms and without a significant other. The feminist in me is thinking, "boys are rotten," though that is exclusively based on my adamant independence, which is what drives most people away from me. Even if it is the case that being by yourself is grand, I almost always find myself wanting to share my good news with someone I love and who loves me. Usually my family or one of my close friends. I can't imagine not having them around to rejoice with. They understand how hard you worked. They know the backstory to the achievement - and that is what makes it special.

I guess what I am really trying to get at is, is being self sufficient all it's cracked up to be? I think that this question has come from my bouts of loneliness lately, so maybe I have a biased answer to it. I believe that accomplishing something will always have some personal significance, but what makes it truly special is being able to share the good news with someone else - and I always have someone to share with. So I've opted to stop thinking about myself in terms of being alone. I have tons of fabulous individuals surrounding me who will be there through thick and thin. Even it is not romantic, perhaps it's more meaningful than that.

On an aside, a quote for this school year - "If you're going to fail, fail spectacularly. Don't fail from lack of trying."

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