Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My on-going joust with time

In the past, I've wrote about my battle with time. For starters, there can never be enough of it. And even though I'm well aware of that fact, I'm still rubbish at using it wisely. I suppose part of it is that I am just so busy. Now I'm wondering how it is that now I'm aware of these things, that I have yet to use them to empower myself. You know, if you suddenly become wise shouldn't that go hand in hand with better, more informed action? Well it should but clearly that's not the case.

I know that I ordered my priorities (finally) but still I am not always accomplishing what I want to. I think is this mostly because I lack true discipline. I have lists and an insane day planner that I would be lost without, but sometimes I have to shed all of that for the sake of knowing what is right. I mean, if you were constantly living your life in one vein, then how can you know for sure that it is the right one? I'm a firm believer in that, but how many times does one have to repeat the lesson to get it? This is what frustrates me the most.

Today for instance I had work and then planned to come home around 8 and get in a bit is studying for the LSAT. When I finally got home at 8.30 after encountering some unexpected issues catching a bus, I was so exhausted that I all I wanted to do was sit and relax. And I did. If should have been a nice reward at the end of very long day, but I felt guilty about it. I have a lot of things on my plate and the idea of enjoying some down time signaled to me that I might not be working hard enough. This is diverging on a bit of tangent but the thing that intrigues me is, is this mindset necessary? Do I always have be uptight about myself in order to feel like I am getting things done? Perhaps I have to at least make an effort to appear busy, and thus useful, to feel good about what I am doing with my time. I'm not entirely sure that that means doing productive things all the time, but at least for the majority of it.

So, what do you do with your time?

1 comment:

Karoline said...

So what do I do with my time?
Long time ago I was in a similar situation. But I figured out that sometimes taking a break is the best you can do, even if it was not planned. And while doing that, enjoy it at its most. Enjoy every second of it and do not regret it.