Thursday, July 02, 2009

Disintegrating friendship

Sometimes the joy of a new relationship is overwhelming. Adoration for the other person. A fluttering heart. The world seen through rosy shades. However, what price do we pay for it? I've found out through my ever-absent roommate that that price is friendship. I can't deny that I was happy for her. She had many months of girl drama and I think it was a bit of a relief for everyone to see that she found someone wonderful. However in the last month, they've broken up and got back together on way too many occasions. From an outside perspective on the situation, I feel like she is only hurting herself, especially given the nature of the problems they've incurred. The expression "love is blind" seems befitting in describing it. I know that she loves her, but it breaks my heart to see her doing what she is doing.

Back to the issue of friendship. From the get go of their relationship, she more or less fell off the social map. Granted that's what one often expects with a new infatuation. But as time dragged on, I saw even less of her. In fact, the only reason I've seen more of her lately is because they broke up and she is finally sleeping at our house now. What is most frustrating to me is that now that she is here again, she acts as though everything is back to normal with our friendship. Of course I give her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn't quite figured out how I feel, but she's missed out on a lot in my life because she just has not been here. And that makes me a bit angry.

How do you deal with a seasonal friend? Right now my dilemma is whether I should still be there for her even though she hasn't exactly been there for me. If I decide no, I feel that it defines friendship as an exercise in reciprocity and that is something that I don't agree with. I believe that friendship, like any relationship has to be a selfless act. So what am I to do? Well, given what I've just written, I'm going to shelve my feelings and continue to be the kind of friend I would like to have.

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