Wednesday, June 24, 2009


"Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good"

- John Mayer, "The Heart of Life"
As much as we plan and organize, sometimes there are elements that are just out of our control. This is particularly true when you add another human being into the equation. I find that I have a difficult time as it is understanding myself let alone someone else, and being as anal as I am, I can't stand not knowing what the other person is doing. Am I controlling? Well at least there is an obvious answer to that! I think my need for 'knowing' comes from my general dislike of surprises. I embrace the predictable. My friends often give me a hard time for being boring, or acting older than I am. Truth be told, I love my life. I love that I don't need to be out partaking in crazy shenanigans or proving that I'm cool. Those just aren't the things that I value, and the fact that I know where I stand is something that I value. I believe that if we let go of the fundamental beliefs, ideologies, etc that form the essence of our being we are left with nothing. What we believe is often challenged by society (in general), and those are the key moments to dig your heels in to the ground. Perhaps mass media, pop culture and the like are the most demanding offenders, I mean we all have our weaknesses. I for example could never stop buying shoes and clothes. But I do it for me. I do it because I love fashion, and not because I feel pressure to keep up with the trends. I'm sure there are arguments to be made about the fact that I could be so consumed by fashion, that I don't even realize the extent to which I've been victimized by the industry, though that's not the point here.

We face a lot of tests in life, some which stop us dead in our tracks and make us take a look around. Sometimes we find ourselves veering off the track. But there is something that anchors us to what we could consider our more organic selves. So how do we get back to that 'good'? Is there some way to say that we really know ourselves? I think that we use that statement once we've successfully observed a consistent pattern. It's when we reach something predictable, though that does not mean that we should stop exploring.

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