Friday, December 05, 2008

change is in the forecast

As I'm spending more time analyzing Shakespeare and preparing for the exam, I find myself become more fond of the plays that we read. I guess what I'm most drawn to is the complexity of his seemingly simple characters, especially the female characters. There's something so charming, and realistic (?) about them that is suddenly keeping my attention. In a way I suppose they very much mimic the people around me. Maybe we are all just performing an identity after all. How disappointing is that?
I spent the afternoon shopping with JM. It felt just like old times, when the pair of us were much more carefree and disconcerted with school work. It made me nostalgic. But more importantly, I'm happy to say that I feel like my friendship with him has only blossomed into something indescribably great. I think my relationships with close friends and family, which are nearly indistinguishable, are what keeps me balanced through all the chaos that life throws my way. Knowing that they will always be a part of my life is comforting. But knowing that we are all growing together, is even better. That I am not the only one coping with being an adult.
I think the best part about where I am in my life right now, which is in the middle of nowhere, is that I have a chance to find new dreams for myself. To grow a little more into the person that I want to be. And I'm thoroughly looking forward to the New Year and the new school term when I'll have a chance to realize these dreams. In this moment I'd have to say that my dreams are mostly centered around my success in academics over the next year and a half. I have the LSAT coming up, which will more or less determine my future in law. I know I can do well on it, and especially since I've turned my grades around so much I would hate to see all of my hard work go to waste. I think my other hope for the New Year is to become really comfortable with who I am, and accepting that that doesn't mean settling for who I am now, but just not being so uneasy and self-conscious all the time. This is probably a more difficult undertaking than getting into law school, but I think that its best thing that could happen to me. It will make it easier for me to slip into this new phase of my life; where I embrace being 20 and fabulous and stop acting like I'm middle aged.

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