Monday, November 10, 2008

"Words, words, words. I once had the gift of words."

I realized the other day why I love literature so much. It's because so many writers are able to say all the things that I am unable to. I don't know why it is, but I am incredibly inarticulate what it comes to speech. And yet they have crafted characters who say all the right things at all the right times in the most perfect ways. Sometimes I think my problem may be that it's in the heat of a moment and I'm just too anxious to stop and really think about what I am going to say. In most recent times, my inability to talk to Philip about what he and I are doing in the larger sense has begun to spread a sort of paralyzing chill through me. I just don't ever feel like there's a good time to spring that topic on someone without feeling completely awkward. And that maybe true for everyone and not just me. But I finally started to put the wheels in motion for the conversation to take place yesterday. I felt (and still do) a bit weird about bringing it up, but I know that's only my fear of rejection getting the best of me. I really do want to be in a relationship with him, otherwise I wouldn't have brought it up, and I think he realizes that. The good thing is is that he agreed that we should talk, however since this all took place over several text messages, I have no idea what his tone was since it could be construed in many different ways.

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