Monday, November 24, 2008

does the truth set you free?

I caved yesterday because this is so overwhelming that I could no longer bottle it up. It was not for any gossiping reasons that I would tell JM and I know that, which in my mind, was what made it okay to talk to him about everything. But apparently he already knew that Rob was gay. Apparently Sarah hinted at Habi and she guessed it and then she told JM way back in September. The funny part is is that Sarah and Rob don't know that JM knows AND Karoline has absolutely no clue what's going on. But I feel like she will truly need to hear this from Rob, though she might be hurt that none of us told her. This whole situation is so bizarre and just ridiculous that it seems like something only Hollywood screen writers could come up with. Yet it's happening to me. Right now. I have seriously never been so excited to go home. I only have to get through the next few weeks and then I'll be home and I'll have the time and distance to reflect on everything that's gone on. And that's precisely what I need.
What complicates this entire situation is the fact that I was not honest with Rob the other night. Instead I put on my supportive friend face and now I'm regretting it. There's definitely going to be a part 2 of our conversation that needs to take place asap. Mostly because I need to just be honest with Rob and sort this whole mess out before it starts affecting my school work. Though Rob telling me the truth certainly didn't set me free, in fact it only seemed to complicate everything. Especially since I still love him and his continues to giving me a glimmer of hope that I am his ideal woman. Well that doesn't exactly have meaning anymore, and I just need to accept it. Jm told me last night that the truth will set me free in this situation. Just confiding in him started to make it easier, but I think it really means telling Rob the truth. And thus probably another intense conversation. In my mind I can only hope that this makes things easier for me in the long run. In fact, I'm optimistic that when I come back in January things will be better.

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