Wednesday, March 12, 2008

no more

How is it possible that I still want to be with someone who has literally chosen everything else over me? I'm simply at a loss as to how this can even be feasible since I generally consider myself to be a rational person. And I'm totally not buying old cliches about how the heart has mysterious ways. I really want to move on. But every time I think about the situation in retrospect (which is often) some other revelation comes to mind and I get even more caught up in it. I just want to not be sad anymore. To not cry every other day. Why is it so hard to move on? What's even more confusing is that I'm not sure whether to be playing the part of victim or the cause. I keep trying to come up with ways to distract myself and to get my life back on track. I broke down and bought Vogue earlier this week. I figured that since fashion is one of my main interests, but even the spring addition couldn't pull me out of the hole that I'm in. I've never felt like this before and I never want to again. Being in love simply means being vulnerable. And I am not vulnerable anymore.

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