Thursday, July 26, 2007

thinking ahead to the upcoming school year

I've finally managed to sort out my classes to perfection. I realized earlier today that one of my English professors was one of my TAs last year. Hahaha. I remember the one lecture he gave and quickly managed to switch sections. Thank god. Taking the distance courses this summer has made me realize a lot about what kind of learning I'm best suited to and I think it's given me some insights as to how to be more successful next year. I really think I have it in me to do so much better next year. I'd feel even more comfortable about it if I knew exactly what I was working towards. Sure, in the short run it's the best marks possible of course. But I've become more and more disillusioned about what exactly I'm at university for. To be honest I really I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And I feel really undirected because it seems like everyone else around me is on very rigorous and directed paths. Some times I think I wouldn't mind sticking with English and going into Law. But the more artsy side of me craves something with more depth than that. I know I could be great at something like graphic design or fashion design. But it's hard to say what exactly I want anymore. I'm hoping that this first term with help me to gain a more clear perspective on this matter.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

the summer so far

So my intentions of being an avid blogger have always been good. But my attempts, not so much. It's mid-summer. So far it's been an interesting one. I've enjoyed the productivity and leisure of the summer courses I've been taking. And I've also had a lot of time to catch up on activities that I don't have the time fore during the school year. Various art projects, horseback riding, more volunteer work. I've even attempted to get a job, though that failed miserably. But the important part is that I tried. My volunteer work has by far been the most rewarding thing I've done with my time. I help out at Project R.I.D.E. a riding stable that offers therapeutic riding lessons to disabled children. What I love most about it, is that I get to be a part of these kids' lives, in an activity where they get to feel like they are great at something. They're all such wonderful kids and it's such a shame that they live in a world where they contribute so much, yet receive so little in return. It's made me rethink a lot of things in my own life. Like how many opportunities I've had that I've taken for granted. It's made me a lot more grateful for what I have right now. In this moment. It's made me want to work hard, to be better, and to do more. Because I am able.

www.projectride.org

Friday, February 23, 2007

It's the end of another week, although this one has certainly been different than the usual. I've been at home in California all week, and am returning to Vancouver tomorrow morning. I'm kind of excited to go back. I miss everyone there, they seem more like family to me now.

Friday, February 16, 2007

the middle of february

I think this has been the best week I've had in quite a long time. I can't remember feeling this happy, this blissful at all in the recent past. Valentine's Day was pretty amazing, and I think it's one for the books it's the first Valentine's Day that I've had a boyfriend and it was very special. Ok, now I feel like such a teenage girl. Oh wait, I guess I still am. Anyways I'm going home today, actually I leave for the airport in about 2 hours which is kind of crazy. I feel bad that I'm not going to be around next week to spend time with Rob because the reality is that it'd be like the only time when both of us are busy with school related things. Oh well. I think it's best that I'm going home, I need to get my head on straight before I come back and write a million midterms.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

another good week

It's been another crazy week at school. I had my first midterm last night, for macroeconomics. I think it went pretty well. I'm mostly pleased with the fact that I'd been keeping up with the readings and that it wasn't a huge chore to study for the exam. I guess it does pay off the begin studying earlier. Next week is the the last week before reading week. I'm actually fairly excited about going home. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and getting quite a bit of studying done. It should be good.
I'd venture to say that right now is the happiest I've been in quite a long time. For once I'm also not afraid to feel. Not afraid of what I don't know. Not afraid of what's unexpected. I'm not running, for all these reasons and so many more. I'm just so happy. It all feels so right. Things have perfectly fallen into place.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

positive

It's been a little too long since I've last blogged. Things have been going unusually well lately. In fact the sheer fact that I've been so happy lately is also troublesome. I guess I'm always looking to worry or complain about something and this is literally the only thing that I could find. Life's been uneventful in a very good way. Everyone I know seems to be changing too. It's strange how it's all become this semi in unison shift. I'm glad though that everyone's so happy. It's nice to see that everything is working out so well.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

change . . . and this time, in a good way

Things are shifting, changing, in a very strange way the past couple of days. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. Even though it's all in a good way, I'm doubting and there isn't any reason to. I should be sure footed and brave and dive right in. The water's cool and cleansing and I feel alive. For the first time in a while. I like this. Every little aspect of it.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

following through with my self-improvement

It's been a long productive weekend for me. I'm really proud of myself, that I'm actually managing to be disciplined in getting my work done during the day, and having time to be able to go out in the evenings with friends and just hang out. I'm mostly happy that I've really found my niche in balancing academics and all the other stuff that goes on during the week, like dance and now girls football and hopefully soon the student ambassadors program. I'm happy that I'm busy, I'm expanding my own horizons in my abilities to be successful on my own and really putting myself out there, you know. It's hard sometimes, but I feel really satisfied with myself in the past couple of weeks. I've really managed to turn it around and become someone I like. Someone I'm proud of. And someone who will go far in life.

Monday, January 15, 2007

noteworthy?

I cannot believe how substantially more busy I am this term. And the scary thing is that it's only the second week. The thing that gets me is the fact that I continue to dig myself further into the hole by adding more commitments to my already long list. I feel better about myself though. I'm managing. I'm certainly not drowning. It means I could have tried harder last term. But this time I'm making it happen. I'm doing just fine on my own and I'm being successful in the world. I guess in the end that's all that really matters. How successful you were. What you did with your life to make it noteworthy. The best part is the loose definition of noteworthy.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

one week down (well almost)

So I've hit the ground running this term. I've actually spent a significant already working in the library or in Starbucks up the street, and I hate to admit it, but I feel even more comfortable sitting in class knowing that I know the material. I mean there are times when I have questions, but knowing the material before class has been one of the most helpful things that I've done fore myself this term. I'm also surprised that I haven't felt the need to go to library with a group of people. I've been perfectly fine on my own. It's kind of scary in a way that I'm actually motivating myself for once. I'm very pleased so far with how I've been handling my work and time this week. In fact, I find it really boring to be sitting in my room talking to friends of instant messages. But I think what really got me motivated to get it together has been that I've realized that I do have something to prove. Except this time it's to myself.

Friday, January 05, 2007

getting ready to depart from home

It's hard to be another year has come and gone, except this time I'm proud of the changes I've made in the past year. I feel more in control, better off, and happier than I've been in a while. This time last year was very strange for me. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my best friend's mother died from very terminal cancer. It was the first funeral I'd ever attended. It was really scary for me to think that Kristen's reality could've (and i suppose it still could be) been my reality. It seemed very unimaginable for me, yet it was right in front of my face. Expecting me to do or say something profound to make it all seem better. Yet I was frozen. Dead still for a very long time. Even though the time moved forward even faster after that, things didn't feel normal again for me until the summer. I graduated. Traveled around Europe. Left for college. Even with all of those mile stones during the middle part of the year, it seemed as though the last three months of 2006 brought the even bigger changes for me. I faced situations that I could've never comprehended on my own. But I got strong. Only because of the people that were around to support me through it all. I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who selflessly care for others. Maybe I should take away a lesson from them, from the way they ran to me and stayed there. Long after the dust settled. Coming home for the first time in almost five months was challenging for long list of reasons, but mostly because I'm very proud of the changes I chose to make when I left at the end of the summer and because I was (am?) scared that my friends would reject who I've become and that I'd no longer have the same connection to them that I always had. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though. It's made me think that perhaps I'm far too critical of myself and that I'm still the same person that all my friends loved in the first place. God, I'm such a people pleaser. Oh I guess somethings never change.