Friday, December 29, 2006

a very good christmas

So far my Christmas holiday home from university has been pretty good. I'm finally getting to enjoy a little bit of California sunshine, which is really nice. I've done some serious shopping and I'm going to continue to do so with my trip to San Fran tomorrow :) But I will admit the fact that I'm a spoiled kid even though I don't live at home anymore. Which for me, is the even scarier part. My parents still buy and do so much for me. I don't really get the feeling that I'm growing up and into my own life. I know I probably shouldn't be complaining because I'm sure there are a lot of university students who would kill to be living the life that I do. But still, I'm going to anyways. How much longer is it going to be before I feel like I'm really an adult?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

the end is near

It's really frightening to think that Christmas comes around so fast every year. It's like as soon as Thanksgiving has come and gone there's some sort of time warp that speeds the later half of the year up. Strange observation, I know. But I can't help but feel like the month of December comes and goes so quickly every year. Yet there are the same number of days and pretty much the same thing happens every year. So what do you do to slow it all down? To digest everything that happens. The gifts. The laughs. The drinks. The drama. And all we're left with is empty hopes for a better next year.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

a new list of goals in life

So I've compiled a more updated list of things I want to accomplish in my life time. Sure most of them are pure self indulgence and self gratifying, but I think that they will all take me to far greater things in my life.

1. Win APHA World Champion in Western Pleasure
2. Get my Undergrad Degree
3. Get my Masters Degree
4. Be a Fortune 500 CEO
5. Get a tattoo
6. Go to South Africa
7. Change someone’s life
8. Educate myself on star gazing
9. Be competitive in Ballroom Dancing
10. Live in New York
11. Live in Europe; possibly Barcelona
12. Be in charge of me
13. Write an autobiography
14. Try to understand life outside of America and why people dream of living here
15. Go to fashion week in Paris

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

back in cali

My dad made an interesting point the other day when we were talking about California. It's a sort of fantasy land where people live in a state of denial. This is fairly applicable to the rest of the states at this point in time, however there is something very different about California. It appears to be overwhelmingly flawless, and people construct a reality which reflects perfection. I mean we have amazing weather here, but it took be leaving the country to figure out that California is about the only place with weather as nice as we have it. And the worst part is that we complain when it even gets the slightest bit below 60 degrees. The rest of the world puts up with significantly worse weather and you don't hear them complaining. Secondly, everyone here is convinced that life right now is good. The economy is great. The Democrats are now in power in Congress. Life is the way it's suppose to be. Wrong again. Gaining the perspective of an outsider the past few months I've come to realize that the US is in the worst state is has been in a very long time. The government is more hush-hush than ever before. The Republicans are selling off public assets. The Democrats are allowing the number of troops in Iraq to be increased. People are struggling with mortgage payments and half the homes in my town are for sale. There is something definitely wrong with the world. Maybe the half-wit Californians will come to terms that they live in a watered-down version of the world soon.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

it's over already?

I can't believe my math exam is now over and done with. And that this time tomorrow night I'll be home in California . . . That's a very strange thought, being home. But Vancouver is my home now. I think this is why I have mixed feelings about going home. I'm not sure I want things to go back to the way they were. I know that's weird but I'm happy with how things presently are. I like the space from everyone and everything in California. It's helped me to be better. And I'm afraid of slipping back into my old ways as soon as I get home. I'm afraid of failing myself because I've come so far. I'm different now, and I don't think I belong back where I came from anymore.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

another day of calculus

All of the this math is making my head spin. Although I really do want to take integral calculus next term, but I know I'll be too busy. Maybe during second year I will. Anyways, I was thinking this morning about how slowly everything happens in real time. I mean it seems like walking around campus or doing math, reality it occurring very slowly. Yet in my mind, all I can seem to synthesize at that moment are things that happened months ago. Maybe it's because I have more perspective on the situation. Or (most probably) because I just can't keep up with everything and this is my way of slowing it all down.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

it's the most stressful time of the year

Yes . . . just attempt to sing the title to that tune. I am out of my element trying to keeping together this week. I really want to be excited about the term being over, but at the same time I'm not quite sure I'm ready to go home just yet. I want to be all game for my math final on Saturday, yet I'm so excited to make plans for after the exam. I really have to try to let all of this go and just focus on math. Because I know that I can get an A on this final. In fact I've never felt to confident doing math before. I know I can. I'm in the zone for this and I am so ready to ace it.

Monday, December 11, 2006

feeling guilt for my selfishness

My dad arrived in town this afternoon (I know, he's visiting again) for the week. It's kind of weird that he's come to see me so many times during the term. I mean it hardly feels like I've been away at University. Especially since he insists on offering his help for calculus. I know I probably sound ungrateful, but I just want to feel like I'm out on my own like I don't always have to have my parents there keeping me afloat. I see so many of my friends here who haven't seen their parents at all since they left home in August, and it makes me sad that I'm selfish enough to outrightly say that I wish my dad didn't visit as often. But I'm going to take it in stride and continue on with the week, remaining composed despite the fact that my math finally is this Saturday.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

how many more days until i can go home?!

So I've had 2 of my 3 finals this past Tuesday. Both of the Art History classes. They went fairly well, but my hand seriously hurt afterwards from all the writing. I then had eleven days until my math final. In fact it is presently one week from today. At first I thought it would be quite nice to have that much time between the exams, so that I could do a lot more studying for math. But now I'm just annoyed because now I have no excuse not to be studying math. Although it seems like I've come up with lots of other things to do. I've organized/cleaned my room more times than I can count. I've written lots of Christmas cards. I've gone Christmas shopping. I've even started swimming again. All things that usually I would see as good, but I know that I'm merely doing them to avoid working on math. Today was different though. I spent a solid two hours revising limits. Much to my surprise I actually remember how to calculate them properly.

Friday, December 08, 2006

inspiration from stange places

For me, a lot of the day to day life is finding inspiration from random objects, images that reside differently in my mind, and the people whom I surround myself in. However, today I decided to browse through photos on and I thought I would post some of my favorites. They are all unique and my favorites for different reasons, but they definitely hold the common thread of whimsical beauty.