Saturday, September 23, 2006

. . . and suddenly i'm going nowhere fast.

When I left Caifornia, I left hoping to find something more. More than just another meaningless relationship with a guy. More than just the day to day life that never seemed to change. And more than just activities that I didn't have any deeper connection to other than the surface value. I wanted to find more passion for the things around me that help shape and define me. I wanted to find someone who I actually cared about in more than just a friendly way. And I wanted to see the good in people for once. But I find all of these things hard to come by, as none of them see to come in a clear cut form, and nor do they seem to make any more sense than they did before. In fact, I feel almost more confused about all of these things and I don't want to feel this way any more. Yet it seems to be some evil cycle that re-starts itself no matter where I live. Maybe I need to consider the possiblity that it's something to do with myself, rather than environment in which I live.

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